Abusive Relationships Could Be a Sign of Sex Trafficking

Authored By: Elaina Jackson, Fahrenheit Creative Group, and Margaree Jackson, The Lighthouse | Black Girl Projects

I am a mother of three girls, ages 10, 14, and 22.

The idea that one day one of my girls could end up in a mentally or physically abusive relationship terrifies me. No matter how much I think I have prepared them to face the challenges of the world. No matter how much I tell them that they are loved, enough, beautiful, and powerful, I have come to learn that women from a variety of backgrounds, family structures, and stages of life can find themselves in dangerous relationships. And, these encounters might be subtle at first, making it difficult for the women who experience them to recognize the warning signs. For example, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that one in six women experiences sexual coercion, described as being worn down by someone who repeatedly asked for sex or sexual pressure from someone in a position of authority. On the surface, the woman might believe she “gave consent” to the repeated request, when in actuality, she has been coerced — which is sexual assault.

I have come to learn that women from a variety of backgrounds, family structures, and stages of life can find themselves in dangerous relationships.

My oldest daughter, Margaree (a recent graduate of the University of Mississippi), and I recently read the book In Pursuit of Love by Rebecca Bender. In the book, Rebecca shares her journey from outgoing varsity high school athlete and hopeful college student into the dangerous and unpredictable world of prostitution in Las Vegas. Her life took a turn after she got involved with a man who gave her the attention she craved, expensive gifts, and the opportunity for adventure. After leaving her family, she was manipulated by her “boyfriend” to begin selling her body for money. After years of believing she was in control of her choices, Rebbeca realized she was being trafficked. She also became aware that other women in “the Game” were criminalized by the justice system when they were experiencing extreme sexual and mental abuse from their traffickers.

What’s even more troubling for me is the disparate impact of the sexual criminalization of Black women. Black girls and women experience a far higher rate of arrest for prostitution than girls and women of other races involved in the same activity, according to a report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Many of these girls and women are trafficked—often by men they considered intimate partners.

Black girls and women experience a far higher rate of arrest for prostitution than girls and women of other races … Many of these girls and women are trafficked—often by men they considered intimate partners.

College and university administrators must realize the real and present danger of unhealthy relationships that lead to sexual exploitation and take steps to protect both the young women and men that can become victims.

I sat down with Margaree to talk about her reflections on In Pursuit of Love and ways she believed college campuses could create a positive culture that helped reduce the risk of sex trafficking.

Q: What surprised you the most about Rebecca Bender’s experience?

I was surprised by how manipulative traffickers can be. They prey on young girls and women who have low self-esteem and who long to be loved and valued by a man. They present themselves as typical “good-guys” at first, spending time with their significant other, making her feel important and valued, and buying her gifts. Then, out of nowhere or sometimes even gradually, they become manipulative, making their significant other feel guilty about all they’ve done for them. It’s scary because they are incredibly skilled at pretending to care about their partner, all the while the trafficker is using brainwashing techniques to exercise control, as Rebecca mentioned many times.

[Traffickers] present themselves as typical “good-guys” at first… making [their significant other] feel important and valued… Then, out of nowhere… they become manipulative, making their significant other feel guilty about all they’ve done for them.

Q: What would you do if you found out one of your friends was in an abusive or controlling relationship? 

That’s a hard question. I honestly don’t know what I would do. I’ve heard stories about abusive partners retaliating when a friend tried to step in to help the victim. I would want to help and support my friend in any way that I could, but it would be useful to have resources to learn the best ways to support peers in abusive and controlling relationships. It would be nice to have a local hotline to call to report abuse and dangerous relationships. Thinking about college campuses, it would be nice if there were a staff member on campus who is in charge of investigating reports of abuse and providing assistance to victims of abuse.

Q: What parts of Rebecca’s experience do you believe are especially important for young women to know?

The human trafficking world is dangerous, and many times the traffickers go unpunished while the women suffer and are criminalized. There were many nights that Rebecca put her life at risk to earn money for a man who would only degrade her, beat her, tell her she wasn’t good enough, and give her empty promises of a better life.
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It is critical for young women to love themselves first and not pursue love, attention, and affection from others because they can find themselves in abusive and manipulative situations.

It’s also imperative for young women to know the warning signs of human trafficking.

Q: How do you believe college campuses can educate young women about dangerous relationships and how to avoid or escape them?

College campuses can educate young women about dangerous relationships by first creating safe spaces for young women to learn to love and value themselves and boost their self-esteem. If you love yourself, you’ll set standards for how you want your partner to treat you. I also believe college campuses should host frequent workshops about unhealthy relationships, signs of manipulation, coercion, and abuse and provide support groups for women who find themselves in these situations so that they can safely leave and have the courage and support to do so.

Q: What are your thoughts about the justice system and, in particular, the experience of black women who are trafficked but labeled as criminals? 

The government could do a much better job of setting laws to punish traffickers and not their victims. Human trafficking affects 40.3 million people globally, and 75 percent of those are Black girls and women. 75 percent. It hurts me to know that my people, my sisters, are victims of exploitation. Black women and girls are hypersexualized from a young age, and society is not doing anything to help them. The justice system can work to learn the signs of human trafficking and extend support and resources to these women and girls. They are not prostitutes. They are being forced to live in dangerous conditions and cannot escape.

Human trafficking affects 40.3 million people globally, and 75 percent of those are Black girls and women. 75 percent. It hurts me to know that my people, my sisters, are victims of exploitation.

Intimate partner sexual assault can, and often does, lead to even more dangerous situations. One such example is human trafficking. The National Center on Domestic Violence defines intimate partner trafficking as a circumstance when the abuser compels their partner to engage in commercial sex, forced labor, or involuntary servitude. In many cases, the trafficked individuals are living with their abuser and being subjected to physical violence, emotional manipulation, and overbearing control —hallmarks of domestic violence.

As we endeavor to educate college campuses and communities about sexual assault during National Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is essential to understand the subtle way dangerous relationships can lead to sex trafficking.

College campuses can be ground zero for fighting sexual assault and human trafficking. Leaders on campuses should provide students, faculty, staff, parents, and communities with information to recognize the warning signs of destructive relationships and resources that assist people who might already find themselves in these situations. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), the anti-sexual violence organization that operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline, offers these tips for recognizing abusive partners.

• Attempts to cut you off from friends and family
• Is exceptionally jealous or upset if you spend time away from them
• Insults you, puts you down, says that you can never do anything right
• Tries to prevent you from attending work or school
• Tries to prevent you from making decisions for yourself
• Destroys your property, attempts to harm your pets
• Threatens to harm your children or take them away from you
• Tells you that you are worthless and that no one else could ever love you
• Controls your finances

If you need help or additional resources, call RAINN’s hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673), and they will connect you with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

This project is supported by Grant No. 2016-TA-AX-K076, awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. Points of view in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice.